Thursday, May 6, 2010

Mother's Day Syndrome

Mother's Day is just a couple of days away, which means all the school kids have been busy making treasured gifts for their moms. The gifts usually include a plant or flower of some kind and a card full of sweet little drawings and misspelled words written by sweet little fingers.

Teachers these days are so crafty and creative. They want your Mother's Day gift to actually mean something to you, so they ask your kid all kinds of questions about you, then put their answers in permanent ink so you can treasure it for all eternity. A wonderful idea for most people, I'm sure. Me? Not so much.

Why? Because those thoughtful little gifts cause my MDS (Mother's Day Syndrome) to kick in. MDS is a disorder that causes a mom to break out in a cold sweat and have an elevated heart rate at the very moment she begins to read her child's answers in the sweet little Mother's Day card. And all she can think is, "What has this child said about me?! Has he/she exposed every one of my weaknesses as a parent? Or as a human being?"

I had an episode today because Corban brought home her gift for me. It's a cookbook compiled by her Kindergarten class. All the kids made their own page to showcase their favorite food that mom makes, including the recipe and all the ingredients needed. There's also a picture of the kid in a chef hat and apron, holding a spoon and a bowl, and there's a little cartoon bubble with a quote from the child about why mom is special. So precious.

And frightening.

As I began to read the book, all my brain could do was wonder what was going to be on her page. I was afraid it was going to go something like:


Chicken McNuggets

Hop in your car and drive to McDonald's. Talk into the talky thing and tell the lady you want some chicken. Please pull to the first window, then the second window and then they hand you some chicken.

My mom is special because she only yells at me sometimes, not all the time.

Lucky for me, here's what it really said:


Chocolate Chip Cookies

Cookie Mix





Put the cookie mix in and crack the eggs into it. Then you mix it all together. Put them in the oven.

I love my mom because she plays at the playground with me.


I haven't always been so lucky. Here's a sample of some of the cards I've received in the past. The bold print is the sentence the teacher gave, the italics are my beautiful offspring filling in the blanks:

All day long, my mom... takes a nap. (this one had a lovely picture of stick-figure me in bed with lots of z's above my head)

My mom is so smart, she can even... eat a whole roll in one bite. (also with a picture of stick-figure me with crumbs all over my face)

It was so funny when... you burped a long time ago. (That never happened!)

I love my mom because... one time she played with me. (And if you keep giving me cards like this for Mother's Day, it'll never happen again.)

My mom's favorite tv show is... a tornado watch. (Pick any other show and it's more my favorite than a tornado watch.)

M - Much Love (Awww)
O - Open Minded (Okaaaay?)
T - The Best (Yay for me!)
H -
Honest (Always)
E - Excellent (Yes!)
R - Rather Cunning (Really? You're in 2nd grade. How do you even know these words?)

Oh well. At least I have a whole stack of cards to look back on and laugh.

Happy Mother's Day!


  1. Go, Corban! I remember all those other ones. Hilarious!

  2. I'm glad she came through! Your love for chocolate chip cookies saved the day. :) Macie gave me a coupon book and one of them was for a free puppy! She is really trying!

  3. I had a mother's day tea at Ryan's pre-k class. The place mat said "I love my mom.....even though she's sick and I have to take care of her, and she read me a book once". So I guess the cat's out of the bag on falsifying the reading log.

  4. Krista, that's hilarious! Sounds like we're in the same boat. Worthless children. :)