Searching For Joy

This year, our church community is celebrating the whole season of Easter. Instead of living in the joy of the resurrection for just one day, we're collectively, purposefully pursuing joy and life and laughter for 40 days (yes, I know that believers are supposed to celebrate Jesus every day, but we're all broken and life is hard, so it doesn't really happen that way).


40 days of joy. 


I absolutely love this idea. I've committed to find at least one thing per day that brings or spreads joy and post it here along with others in the Skyline community. But the thing I'm finding is that its not as easy as it sounds. It turns out that embracing joy every. single. day. is a discipline that has to be practiced with determination and perserverance.  


I don't often make a conscious decision to enjoy my life. If you asked me a week ago, I would've quickly said that my life is full of joy. But now I'm seven days into a process of identifying specific areas of joy and, to be honest, it's a daily struggle. I really have to think about it some days.

Sometimes joy is hard to find.


Most days, it eludes me. It hides away behind the muck of the daily grind and then disappears like a shadow at dusk. When circumstances are particularly difficult and my future seems fuzzy and unstable, I dig around in my heart and all I find is worry. Sometimes, my selective eyes only see the people around me who have it all together, who know what they're doing on this planet and have a steady job that pays more than enough, and all I find is envy. 


But this little exercise has been so good for my heart. I'm learning that joy has to be searched for when life seems blurry, and I may have to squint to see it. I have to dig for it in the mundane, the difficult, the gray places. When I truly search for it, I always find it, and somehow it transcends and transforms the shades of gray into the brilliant, beautiful colors of life. The life we were meant to fully experience and relish. 


Instead of waiting for joy to come to me, I have to go after it. Hunt for it. Fight for it. 


No matter what. 


Joy is what makes our lives beautiful.  

How are you finding joy?

A Life Marked By Prayer

Yesterday, my middle child turned 13. I just can't even believe it. It feels like an instant ago that the doctor was yelling, "It's a nine pounder!" and handing me a brand new, squishy baby girl.

With corkscrew curls and cheeks you could squeeze and kiss for days.

And now she's a teenager. It's unfathomable how fast the time has gone.

Jacey Reid is beautiful in every way. She's gorgeous on the outside and her heart is so sweet and pure, I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. I'm so, so proud of her. As I've reflected on the first 13 years of Jacey's life, there is one thing that stands out to me, even more beautiful than the rest.

Her life is marked by prayer.

Before I ever got pregnant with her, I prayed that God would give me a daughter. We had already been blessed with a son and my heart longed to know the joys of having one of each, so I asked God for a girl the next time around. He said YES! And there was much rejoicing in the ultrasound room.

When they calculated my due date, they told me it was February 24th, but I knew she was due on February 8th (sometimes mommies just know these things). Plus, I am a terrible pregnant person. It's nine months of misery for me and everyone else who dares to breathe my air, so the sooner we can end the madness, the better off we all are. I (and my poor husband) prayed that she would be born on or before the 8th. She arrived at 2:09pm on the 8th.

When I was in labor, she was turned the wrong way and it was going to make the delivery long and complicated. So my friend, Kelly, put her hand on my stomach and asked God to flip that baby over. Within minutes, she was good to go.

Since she was born, I have prayed that she and her brother would have an unspeakable bond of love for each other. Most days, this is still a toss up. But yesterday, he posted this to Twitter...

"Happy Birthday to my little sister Jacey. They grow up so fast. :(" 

So, that's something, right? I'm believing God will answer this, too. It just may take a little more time. :-)

When Jacey was three, she told God she wanted a little sister. I said "Sorry, sweetie. We're not having any more babies." Her baby sister was born just before Thanksgiving the following year (I partially blame my mother's prayers for this one, too).

When Jacey was five, she began to pray that God would make a way for our family to go to Disney World. Every night for over a year, her sweet little voice would float before the throne of God, laying the desires of her heart before Him. She never gave up, never even questioned if or when He would answer, even though Ron and I knew we would never in a million years have enough money to make a trip like that. But one night, my sister and brother-in-law came over and gave us a present. SURPRISE! We're sending you to Disney World! It was so ridiculously generous and extravagant. We spent a whole week there and Jacey got to meet every princess in the land. It will forever go down in our family history as the best gift we've ever received and our favorite vacation.

A couple of years ago, the kids were finagling for a dog. They weren't getting anywhere with me and Ron because we didn't want to have one more thing to feed every day, so Jacey went over our heads and asked God to give us a dog...today. Within an hour, there was a cute little yorkie on our front porch and of course, it had no collar or microchip and we couldn't find the owner (believe me, I looked) so she became our beloved Jovi. After we had her for a year, we found out she used to belong to one of our neighbors, but they wanted us to keep her. They said they had been praying about what to do with her because they didn't have enough time to spend with her and felt like it was a God thing that our family found her and loved her so much. Poor guy didn't realize that he never had a chance of keeping his dog even if he wanted to. Jacey the pray-er was on the loose!

You only have to spend a little bit of time with Jacey to know that she has a special gifting when it comes to prayer. Our friends and family know that if they really need God to move on their behalf, Jacey's their girl. She's an intercessor. She's prayed people into jobs, orphans into families, the needy into provision. The list goes on and on.

It's such an honor to parent this precious girl. I can't wait to see what crazy thing God does next in her and through her, for His glory.

"... for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

Grocery Store Melt-Down

This song is rocking my world right now. I bought the album a few days ago and started listening to it on the way to the grocery store, which turned out to be a mistake because I ended up a weeping, snotty mess in the parking lot of the Neighborhood Market. I'm not really a crier, so my first reaction when the tears start flowing is, "What's wrong with me?" which is not a question easily answered. 

I finally composed myself enough to go in the store, but the "what's wrong with me?" wouldn't go away. I pushed my cart through the aisles wondering why this song had affected me so much until finally, right there in front of the shampoo and conditioner, it hit me. Death. My heart was breaking over all the death and brokenness in the world and in my own life and the lives of people I love. 

Physical death. Emotional death. The death of hopes and dreams and relationships. Everything is broken and dying.

BUT (here's my favorite part of the song) Jesus trampled over death and calls us to... 

come awake, come awake

come and rise up from the grave.

And there's the hope. Even though we're surrounded by death, we can be alive. 

I don't know about you, but I want to be fully awake and alive. Even though it's Monday. :-)

P.S. My other favorite part is at 2:38. Gives me chills.

Spring Break Day O' Fun - 1

I cannot tell you how happy I am that it's SPRING BREAK! We've been dealing with sickness and crazy schedules and homework and regular work and all the other good stuff you just need a break from every now and then, so our biggest plan for Spring Break is to rest (ahhhh). But we also want the kids to have some fun, so we're doing a little something every day to make the week special.


Day 1: Crafty Day!

My super crafty friend, Melissa, came over and we made signs for our One Word. I put mine in the kitchen so I will constantly see it and be reminded that it's worth it to finish what I start. I love it! 

And the girls made super cute signs for their rooms. They love craftiness. Can you tell?

Are you doing anything for Spring Break? Or is this just a regular old week for you?

I Whip My Budget Into Shape

I think everyone has at least one thing in life they battle against. One area where you constantly fight for control. There are some seasons when you find yourself mastering that thing and it feels amazing, but then you start getting comfortable and that thing creeps back in and before you know it, it has you under it's ugly thumb all over again.

For me & Ron, that thing is money management. We've been fighting that monster since we got married 17 years ago. We've made some atrocious decisions along the way, and we've made some really good ones. But no matter how many steps forward we take, the monster is always there ready to drag us backwards again (I can't even count how many times I've reset my progress map in Dave Ramsey-land).

BUT...

This is a new year! And the difference between this year and every other year before is my one word:

DETERMINATION - Deciding it's worth it to finish what you've started.

It's worth it to make a budget that works. Life and marriage and parenting are all much less stressful when you're not worried about how you're going to buy groceries to cover the next eight days until payday because on the last payday you went to Red Lobster because you were tired of eating Mac & Cheese for a week straight. (Are we alone in this?)

Food is the big killer in our budget for several reasons, and I think the biggest one is that I HATE TO COOK!  I'm not good at it and I'd rather do just about anything instead. After a long day of work and driving the kids all over town, I just want to hit a drive-thru and be done with it. And we often do, thus blowing our food budget to pieces.

So, one of the practical steps I'm taking to stick to the budget this year is menu planning. Revolutionary, I know. My sweet friend, Melissa, made me this awesome Menu board for my kitchen. My kids think it's the greatest thing ever and insist on having it filled in at all times.

I'm not promising it will be filled with amazing meals, or even healthy ones (one step at a time, folks) but it will be filled in. I am determined to make a plan and stick to it. I found a great website that does Menu Plan Mondays where they have recipes for a week's worth of meals plus printable coupons for some of the ingredients. And there are tons of other helpful sites for busy moms who don't like to cook.

So, I declare here and now that this is the year the Crawfords will whip the budget into shape, whip the budget into shape (and yes, I will sing that like Willow Smith) especially in the food category.

Will we still eat out? Heck, yes! But it will be part of the plan and written on the menu board. :)

How about you? What's the one thing you battle and what are you going to do to beat it this year?

Refreshing

I usually love Sundays, and yesterday was an exceptionally good one. We started the day at Urban Celebration and got to worship with friends we haven't seen in a while. It was cozy & refreshing, inspiring & challenging. The message was all about unity, especially breaking down racial walls. I'm still processing all the stuff that goes along with that and wondering how my life would look if all the walls were broken down. I'm sure you'll be hearing more about that later.

The most wonderful thing about yesterday was that it was Ron's first Sunday off work since last September. He works at Cross & Crown Mission and they have youth activities, a community dinner and a worship service every Sunday evening throughout the school year (they also do a LOT of other stuff all week long. You can check it out here). But every summer, beginning in May, they take a much needed break from Sunday stuff.

Sidenote: I don't think people realize how much work it takes for the people who administrate and run church services every week. If it seems effortless and easy, it's because a small number of people have worked extra hard at it. So, next time you see someone who's involved in running the big show at your church, tell them thank you. Anyway...

Yesterday was our first Sunday to have the daddy home ALL DAY! It was glorious! We spent the whole day at the OKC Zoo, which has been vastly improved since the last time I was there. I always thought the zoo was great, but they've added so many cool exhibits and are continuing to build new and better things. My favorite part was the Oklahoma Trails, which is a huge exhibit showcasing all the plants and animals found in Oklahoma. We saw a grizzly bear swimming beneath a beautiful waterfall, bats, raccoons, bison, alligators and a whole lot more. It made me appreciate how diverse and rich our state is. And it only slightly unnerved the girls that all those wild beasts live right here in OK.

It really was a perfect zoo day. The temperature was perfect and all the animals were out, but I think the thing that made it the most perfect was the freedom we felt. Freedom because we've officially crossed out of the baby/toddler stage of parenthood and fully into big kid mode. We've actually been in this mode for a while, but I got a fresh appreciation for it being in a place with so many little ones. When you're in big kid mode, you don't have to pack up everything you own to go out for the day. I went into the zoo armed with nothing but chapstick and 2 band-aids in my pocket (we almost always need band-aids). No stroller, no baby wipes, no sippy cups. And NO crying children! We passed stroller after stroller of crying children, and just laughed because it's really funny when it's not your own kid! It felt so liberating to walk around with happy, independent kids and it made us so thankful to be past that stage of parenthood (if you're in that stage, just enjoy and laugh your way through it. It feels long while you're in it, but it really does end before you know it).

2 of our big kids on the zoo tram

In our big kid mode, we only had one little glitch. While we were looking at the anteater (a really weird looking creature), Jacey realized her leg was bleeding. She cut it on something, but didn't notice until there was a lot of blood running down her leg. Nice. But who saved the day? That's right, MacGuyver Mom stopped the bleeding with the zoo receipt and whipped out a band-aid. Ta Da! Episode over. Gotta love big kid mode!

It was a really refreshing Sunday. I can feel summer coming and it's going to be full of those. Ahhhh.

Big Dreaminess

I love hearing stories of people who are living their dream. Whether it's a dream they've carried since they were young or a fresh, new, adult-onset dream, it's inspiring to watch someone do what they love.

My big dream is generally the same as most people...to make a difference in someone else's life (and the more someone else's, the better). I want the planet to be a better place because I was here. I want to know I lived out my purpose for being alive. More specifically, my dream is to see women, especially the most vulnerable and marginalized, THRIVE. Over the last 10-12 years, I've seen a handful of things concerning women that have broken my heart. Things like:

• A teenager who basically raised herself and did the best she could in deplorable surroundings. She wanted to go to college, but the cycle of poverty in her family was just too great and she got stuck in the trap. She works for minimum wage.

• Single moms trying everything they can take care of their kids, but the odds are against them. How can they work enough to provide for their family when they don't have anyone to help with the kids? They constantly find themselves forced to make decisions out of desperation and more often than not, it's a no-win situation.
  

• Teen moms. They have all the responsibilities of adult single moms, but they're so young that they don't even have a grid for how to live well. Most of the teen moms I know have zero support system. They feel like the only person supporting them is their boyfriend (who may or may not be the baby's father), but in reality the kind of "support" he offers only creates more problems (aka babies).
  

• A 55 year-old prostitute who followed our introduction with, "I've been whoring for 27 years." She turned her first trick when she was 8 years old. For 25 cents. With her uncle. When we met, she had a broken femur because she had jumped out of a moving car when a john pulled a gun on her. She doesn't like being a prostitute, but she doesn't know how to get out.
  

When I encounter people in these kinds of situations, a deep desire gets stirred up in me. The desire to change the world for these women. The desire to see them live full and beautiful lives. Because when a woman is thriving, she gives herself to the people around her. She parents well and provides for her family. She contributes to her community and everyone is better for knowing her. I don't know who said it first, but I truly believe when you impact a woman, you impact a family. When you impact a family, you impact a neighborhood (or village). When you impact a neighborhood, you impact a city. And then a state. And then the whole world! Isn't that the most awesome and fun domino effect EVER?!

That's why I'm all about Bloom Home Cleaning. The whole idea is to empower and support women so they can succeed in every area of their lives...financially, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. It's social entrepreneurship at its best because it's all about providing relationships for women that will provide support and encouragement, but also challenge and push them forward.

I think, for the first time in my life, I can see the beginnings of my dream becoming reality. And guess what. It's not nearly as glamorous as one would hope. I'm sure anyone who's living out their dreams would say the same thing. The hard work of making the dream a reality usually overshadows any glamour that may come along. I came across a great quote today in the place where all of the most inspirational thoughts of human history are pooled together. Twitter. "Most dreams don't cost money. They cost sweat." Thank you, @prodigaljohn for putting into 8 words the struggle battle all-out war I live every day. I'm finding that when you're trying to live your dream, most days feel mundane and insignificant. Like when you're scrubbing a toilet for the 152nd time. You just have to keep reminding yourself that there's a point to all this mundane-ness. There are lives to be changed. There's a dream to live, baby!

Ultimately, the big dreaminess of the dream makes it worth it. What's your big dream?

Keep going.

Keep sweating.

Keep dreaming.

Kindergarten Rumble

If you've ever met Corban, my sweet 6 year-old baby girl, you will not be one bit surprised by what I am about to tell you. Corban's world is made up of absolutes. To her, things are obviously black or white, right or wrong. There is no gray area, no middle ground. She stands firmly for justice and truth...even if she's the only one who believes a particular thing to be true.

And that's why she has stories like this from AM Kindergarten...

We don't know all the details, but apparently there was some sort of misunderstanding at the Art Center today. We know it involved a clothespin with another little girl's name on it and Corban being blamed by that girl (who is actually one of Corban's best friends in her class) for the unauthorized moving of said clothespin. I don't know how much investigation was done by the girl to find out who committed such a heinous Kindergarten crime, but she decided Corban was responsible for moving her clip and was not down with that. The interaction that followed went something like this (as reported by Corban):

Girl: "Corban, you moved my clip! We are going to fight. Next Thursday. 9 o'clock in the morning. Bring Band-aids."

Corban: "Oh yeah?! Well, I know KARATE. You bring Band-aids!"

The teacher then jumped in and told the girl that she had moved the clip. So the girl shook Corban's hand and said, "Fight's off!"

And they all lived happily ever after.


When Corban told us this story at dinner tonight, I probably should've said something about how fighting doesn't solve anything. Or at the very least, pointed out that she doesn't really know karate. But I was laughing so hard I was crying. There was no chance of any kind of meaningful discussion on my part. Plus, I know her well enough to know that she knows her version of the truth and no amount of talking will change that. In her mind, she was wrongly accused and threatened by a kid with inferior fighting skills. She was just telling the truth about who was going to be needing the Band-aids next Thursday morning at 9:01. When she told her Daddy the story, she said, "You know, I've never had any classes, but I am good at Karate." Mmmm hmmm.

Don't mess with this one.



Oh, and if you're thinking of discussing this the next time you see her, I would strongly discourage it.

Hello Blog World!

Well, here I am in the blogosphere. I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while, but haven't for several reasons, most of which boil down to the fact that I'm an over-thinker.

What am I going to write about?

When am I going to have the time & energy to write it?

And of course,

Who would possibly care to read it?


I've spent several months (yes, months. Over-thinker.) thinking through these questions and have actually had several ideas to write about, so that takes care of the first question. The second question is a little more sketchy and probably will be until my last kid goes to college, so I can't really use that as an excuse. As for the last question, I ended up with two answers:

1. I absolutely LOVE to read other people's blogs! And my favorite ones are about real life and relationships and mom stuff, so if everybody else on the planet can write about their ordinary lives, then so can I, right?

2. I realized that it's really ok if nobody ever reads this. I want this to be a place where I can process and wrestle with stuff in a more substantial way, which is a really healthy discipline for someone with my personality type.


So, after talking myself through those issues, the next step was to actually set up the blog, which is way harder than it sounds because all the good names are already taken. But when "Dreams Are Blooming" was available I knew it was the perfect name for my life journal. More on that later. :)

Now the next step is crucial: MAKE THE BLOG CUTE! Also way harder than it sounds (remember the over-thinking and throw in endless template and color scheme options, headers, footers, separators, backgrounds, etc, etc, etc.) I finally settled on what you see here after my fashion adviser (Jacey, my super cool 11 year-old daughter) gave her seal of approval.

The only thing left was to actually post something, so after proofreading and hitting the delete button about 428 times, here we are!

I feel like I've accomplished something monumental today! Thanks for sharing it with me.

Hello? Is anyone here? :)