Is This Real Life?

So, a LOT has happened since I last blogged (clearly, blogging is not on my short list of things to do).

Long story short: My prayer for 2014 was that God would give me a breakthrough in my writing. Well, He showed up in ways I never expected, and He answered BIG!

• I got to be a finalist in the ACFW Genesis Contest.

• I signed a contract for my first book with a brand-new company that I am over-the-top excited about.

• My book is mentioned here and here alongside fantastic authors I have adored for years.

• My book cover is super cute!

This is such a gift of His grace and I'm so thankful! 

If you're chasing a dream, please keep pressing in. I know how loud the discouragement can be, but God put that dream in your heart because the world needs it. Tell the voices to shut up, and chase on! I'm praying for your breakthrough.

Light Breaks Forth

Here's a little Christmas poem in celebration of Jesus, the Light of the world. May you feel His nearness today and throughout the new year. Merry Christmas!



Light breaks forth.

Amidst our longing, grief, and brokenness. In poverty and pain.

Our sighing, dying, crying souls can barely speak His name.

We're hanging by a thread of hope - a brittle, frazzled shred.

We're bruised and tattered, torn and worn. Can't lift our weary heads.

Our hearts cry out, "How long, O Lord?" Can't wait another day.

We need You near. Come close. Lean in. Kingdom, come and stay.

Light breaks forth. 

Who is this child, this man, this God? Who steps from Glory's place?

Who leaves crowns & thrones on high to live among the fray?

Only one could give such love. Only one could pay.

And with Him brings our hope restored, fulfilled in every way.

He comes to us, our Christ, our Lord. Alone He saves the day.

Light breaks forth. 

Mother's Day Syndrome

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This one is from the archives, but I feel this way every year on Mother's Day, so I thought it was worth reposting. Hope you all have a happy Mother's Day!

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Me and my sweet babies.

Mother's Day is just a couple of days away, which means all the school kids have been busy making treasured gifts for their moms. The gifts usually include a plant or flower of some kind, and a card full of sweet drawings and misspelled words written by precious little fingers.

Teachers these days are so crafty and creative. They want your Mother's Day gift to actually mean something to you, so they ask your kid all kinds of questions about you, then put their answers in permanent ink so you can treasure it for all eternity. A wonderful idea for most people, I'm sure. Me? Not so much.

Why? Because those thoughtful little gifts cause my Mother's Day Syndrome to kick in. MDS is a disorder that causes a mom to break out in a cold sweat and have an elevated heart rate at the very moment she begins to read her child's answers in the sweet little Mother's Day card. All she can think is, "What has this child said about me?! Has he/she exposed every one of my weaknesses as a parent?"

I had an episode today because Corban brought home her gift for me. It's a cookbook compiled by her Kindergarten class. All the kids made their own page to showcase their favorite food that mom makes, including the recipe and all the ingredients needed. There's also a cute picture of the kid in a chef's hat and apron, holding a spoon and a bowl, and there's a little cartoon bubble with a quote from the child about why mom is special. So precious.

And frightening.

As I began to read the book, all I could do was wonder what was going to be on her page. I was afraid it was going to go something like:

Corban

Chicken McNuggets

Hop in your car and drive to McDonald's. Talk into the talky thing and tell the lady you want some chicken. Please pull to the first window, then the second window and then they hand you some chicken.

My mom is special because she only yells at me sometimes, not all the time.


Lucky for me, here's what it really said:

Corban 

Chocolate Chip Cookies 

Cookie Mix 
Eggs 
Spoon 
Water 
Oil 

Put the cookie mix in and crack the eggs into it. Then you mix it all together. Put them in the oven. 

I love my mom because she plays at the playground with me.

WHEW!!

I haven't always been so lucky. Here's a sample of some of the cards I've received in the past. The bold print is the sentence the teacher gave, the italics are my beautiful offspring filling in the blanks:

All day long, my mom... takes a nap. (this one had a lovely picture of stick-figure me in bed with lots of z's above my head)  

My mom is so smart, she can even... eat a whole roll in one bite. (also with a picture of stick-figure me with crumbs all over my face)

It was so funny when... you burped a long time ago. (That never happened!)

I love my mom because... one time she played with me. (and if you keep giving me cards like this for Mother's Day, it'll never happen again)

My mom's favorite tv show is... a tornado watch. (Pick any other show and it's more my favorite than a tornado watch)

M - Much Love (Awww)

O - Open Minded (Okaaaay?)
T - The Best (Yay for me!)
H - Honest (Always)

E - Excellent (Yes!)
R - Rather Cunning (Really? You're in 2nd grade. How do you even know these words?)

Oh well. At least I have a whole stack of cards to look back on and laugh.

Happy Mother's Day!

Haiti Part 2: Getting There

Our awesome Haiti mission team.

My family's experience in Haiti was life-changing, and the journey to get us there was nothing short of miraculous.

For most of our adult lives, Ron and I have felt called to the people of our own city. We've always thought of ourselves as "local missionaries," and while we admired, appreciated, and supported those who felt called to go, we knew we were called to stay. We had never been anywhere else, and we had no desire to change that. Our passion has been for the poor and the oppressed who live right here in OKC.

Enter Jacey Crawford. In addition to being a ninja-level prayer warrior, our middle child is also a lover of children. She's a giant magnet for all manner of kids and babies, but she has a special love for orphans. Her dream for as long as she's been alive is to grow up and adopt a rainbow of children from different countries around the world. So when our church announced that they were planning a mission trip, Jacey heard the words "Haiti" and "orphanage" and she was sold. She turned to me and said, "I'm going to Haiti. I don't care how it happens or who goes with me, but I'm going." And I knew she wasn't kidding around.

The only problem with that was our finances, or lack thereof. Because of some major changes in our circumstances, the last couple of years have been really difficult for us in a lot of ways, but especially financially. The prospect of taking an international trip was so far out of our range, it was almost laughable. When we brought this little detail up in conversation with Jacey, she just looked at us and said, "Duh. I'm gonna pray about it." And we all know what happens when she prays about something.

So we started praying that if God wanted us to go to Haiti, He'd make it very clear and provide a way. At first, we thought only Jacey and I would go, but the more we talked and prayed about it, the more our whole family wanted to go. We knew it would take miraculous provision from God whether two of us went, or five, so why not ask for the whole shebang? He is the One who can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine, right? And if we weren't supposed to go, we prayed He would make that clear to us, too.

At the end of October, we went to the first meeting to get information about the trip and our eyes nearly popped out of our heads when we started adding up the total price for a family of five. In addition to the trip cost, we would also need passports, shots, medicines, clothing, and lots of other supplies and incidentals. Ron and I shared several this-is-never-going-to-happen looks throughout the course of the meeting. Our kids whispered, "Are we going?" We whispered back, "We'll have to see." (which all parents and kids know is code for "No").

But after the meeting, before we even had time to get out of our seats, a friend came over and sat with us. She grabbed my hand and began to tell us how the Lord had been speaking to her about our family. "I just really feel like your whole family is supposed to go on this trip," she said. Then she told us that she and her husband had a lot of reward miles and they'd like to use them to pay for all five of our plane tickets! She had no idea how we had been praying, but in that moment, she was the embodiment of God's answer to us. Tears pooled in my eyes as we looked at our kids and said, "This is our answer. We're going to Haiti."

The next order of business was to get our passports, but we needed almost $1,000, which we did not have. We had a plan for fundraising, but at this point, the only action we'd taken was prayer. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that over the next few weeks, our friends and family just started handing us money, saying, "We heard you're going to Haiti and we want to help." We stuffed the money in an envelope and by the end of December, we had enough to apply for our passports. We were told to allow at least six weeks for processing, or we could expedite them for an extra $300. On the day we applied, we were exactly six weeks from our travel date. The agent who did our applications said it was a gamble, but we didn't have the extra money for expediting, so we continued praying that if God wanted us to go, He'd make a way. Our passports arrived in our mailbox two and a half weeks later.

Next came shots and all the required meds, which is much more daunting when you don't have health insurance. We were looking at another $1,000 or more for all five of us to get everything we needed. But throughout January, more friends and family jumped in to help fill our envelope, and we were referred to a travel health clinic that was rumored to give discounts to people going on mission trips. On the day of our appointment, we sat through our consultation with $800 in our envelope and asked the nurse to give us only what was absolutely necessary. As we went through the list and added things up, it came to $1,025, so we decided to get everything the kids needed, then Ron and I would get ours later. The nurse was so kind, and finally just came right out and asked how much we could spend. I pulled out our envelope and told him we had $800. He punched in a few things on his computer, then grinned and said, "Hmm. Looks like I added some things wrong. That'll be $800."

At this point, we were less than three weeks away from the trip and everything was falling into place. But every good story has a major conflict, and ours came in a phone call on a Thursday morning. Our friend had tried to purchase our plane tickets, but there was a glitch. She wouldn't be allowed to use her reward miles until the next billing cycle, which started the day before we were scheduled to leave, so there was a good chance that there wouldn't be five seats available on the flights we needed. The temptation to freak out was huge, but God had already orchestrated so many things, so we kept praying. If He wanted us to go, nothing could stop us.

For the next ten days, we prayed and waited. We filled our prayer jar with all our concerns. Worry and fear hovered just below the surface, but deep down, we knew that God was about to do something amazing.

Our prayer jar.

I think there are five separate prayers
about our plane tickets in the jar.

Eight days before the trip, we got another phone call. Our church had rallied around the mission team and collected special offerings to help with the remaining costs. After the final count, there was enough money to buy all five of our plane tickets. And, just like God, He put us in First Class on one of the flights.

There were countless other details that God took care of, too, right down to providing precious friends to keep our dog for us while we were gone.

We asked if He wanted us to go, and He said yes.

Now, all we had to do was pack.



How about you? Do you have any crazy trip-planning stories? Or a story of God's amazing provision? 

Walking on Water

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I'm over at Writer...Interrupted this week. Come on over and say hello. 

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The story of Peter walking on water has been speaking volumes to me lately. I heard a teaching on it about a month ago and it sparked a new fascination in me. It's one of those stories I've heard countless times since childhood, so it amazes me that God will speak something fresh and new for my life out of a story that is anything but fresh and new.

Keep reading here.

Haiti

The view from our bus. Mountains on one side...

My little family went to Haiti last month.

We were part of the mission team from our church and it was, without a doubt, the best thing we've ever done. If you've been around me for more than five minutes since we returned, you're probably wishing I'd just shut up about Haiti already, but as you can see, that's not happening. :-)

Beautiful turquoise ocean on the other.

We were only there for five days, but we experienced so much that, here we are a month later, and I've just now begun to really process it all. I don't know how to respond to the things we encountered there, but I am absolutely certain of one thing: That kind of experience demands a response. I can't just keep going as if nothing has changed.

My eyes have been opened to suffering that my mind cannot comprehend. My heart has been broken for a nation crippled by poverty and injustice, but captured by a people full of hope and life. What am I supposed to do with all I've seen? How should my life be different? How can I keep scrambling and striving to make myself more comfortable when I've fallen in love with people who have so little? These are the questions that constantly thrash around in my mind.

For a couple of weeks after we returned, we were in a sort of depression. Several friends who had been on similar trips had told us to expect it, but I don't really know if you can emotionally prepare for such a thing. It was just hard to be back. The excess of the American life felt oppressive and unfair, and we missed everything about Haiti. We looked through our pictures multiple times a day and talked about our new Haitian friends constantly. The depression (the "Haiti Haze," we called it) wore off after a while, but the questions remain.

We live in the tension of knowing we've got to do something, but having no idea what that something is. We know whatever it is will be long term. We know we'll love Haiti for the rest of our lives. We know we can't wait to go back again and again. We know we want to make a difference in someone's life in Haiti -- hopefully, a lot of someone's -- but we don't know the best way to do that yet. Our minds have swung in every direction, from "Should we just sell everything we own and move there?" to "How can we help build more homes and schools?" to "How can we sponsor more children?"

We have no clear answers, but I know they're coming. For now, though, we'll take up residence in the tension, even though it's messy and uncomfortable. We tend to want to escape the tension too quickly, when that's often the place God is doing His most transformative work. He's the One who took our family to Haiti, and He'll be faithful to show us how to respond. May we be courageous and obedient when He does.

In my next few posts, I'll be sharing more about our experiences in Haiti (shocking, I know). God was so very near to us along the way, and He's working powerfully there. I look forward to sharing the journey with you.



How about you? Have you had a season of wrestling with God for answers? Have you been on mission trip and felt that post-trip depression? How did you handle it?

Guest Post at Writer...Interrupted

I'm over at Writer...Interrupted this week talking about discouragement. I'd love for you to stop by. While you're there, be sure to check out all the great articles for writers.

Click here to read more.

Enough

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This week, I'm guest posting on my friend Sharon Srock's blog. I'd love for you to check it out. While you're there, be sure to click through the sidebar to her other pages which feature some fantastic Oklahoma authors and a chance to win free books!

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Photo Credit: Creative Commons

I was wading through the great fountain of spiritual truth known as Twitter the other day, and ran across a quote that stopped me in my cyber tracks.

“The good that God promises me isn’t a situation, possession, position, or relationship. The good that He promises me is Himself.” @PaulTripp

That was really convicting to me.

How many times do I equate God’s goodness or His depth of love for me with my circumstances?

Answer: way too many.

Now, if you asked me to my face if I believed my circumstances were a direct reflection of God’s goodness, I would say of course not. Any good Christian knows that. But my life doesn’t really answer that way if I inspect it too closely. Sometimes, life is really hard, so I pray for God to fix all the broken pieces, to change my situation, increase my position. If I’m honest, I just want Him to make living in this world easier.

But He doesn’t promise me a life of comfort and ease. He never said I’d receive everything I long for.

A lot of the things I long for are good things. I want to see people healed and justice reign. I want to see my city transformed by the presence of God. I want to write stories that change people’s hearts and nudge them closer to Jesus.

Of course, some things I want are more self-centered. Like paying my mortgage, becoming a published author, or wanting my kids not to need too much therapy when they finally move out of the house.

Those are all good things to want. Some are even God-given hopes and dreams. But what if I never get any of them?

Hebrews 11 talks about all the heroes of the faith. Big names like Moses, Abraham, and Jacob, just to name a few. These people did extraordinary things, but verse 13 says, “All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance.”

For these people, God’s presence in their life outweighed everything else. His nearness was the most important thing. HE was enough.

If I never see the things I’m hoping for, dreaming of, chasing after...is He enough?

I so want my answer to be YES!

How about you? What are some things you hope and dream of? How has God shown His nearness in your life?

NaNoWriMo Prayer Guide

November 1st is fast approaching and writers from all across the world are preparing to head into their writing caves for NaNoWriMo. The goal: crank out 50,000 words in 30 days.

We're fleshing out our characters, finalizing our plots, and cooking meals ahead of time to store in the freezer so our families don't go hungry (okay, that last one's a lie, but it's a good idea). But the most important thing we can do to prepare for a whole month of head-down writing is to pray.

I have a group of five friends who are my prayer warriors. They didn't really sign up for the job, but they got appointed whether they like it or not, and they'll be getting way too many messages from me over the next month. I can't possibly do NaNo without their prayers.

Here are the things I'm asking them to pray for:

• God to release the story He wants me to tell and breathe life into it

• Clarity in my plot - that I'll know how every aspect of the story fits together and where things should go

• My characters to come to life on the page

• Grace to fit this into my already busy life without my family feeling any negative effects

• A supernatural ability to write powerful and effective words

• At least 50,000 words (good words!) in the next 30 days

• An extra super-duper overflowing dose of creativity

• The voices of doubt and discouragement to be silenced

• My internal editor/perfectionist to shut off completely

• Rest in the midst of it all

• Anything else the Lord tells them 

How about you? How do you prepare for an intense time of work (writing or otherwise)? What prayers would you add to the list? 

Rest for the Weary. How Can I Get Some Of That?

photo credit: Creative Commons 

Apparently, God is trying to tell me something. He keeps pummeling me with articles, conversations, and scriptures with the same theme: rest. God and I have had this conversation plenty of times, but there's something different about it this time around.

I opened my Jesus Calling devotional book the other morning, and the first sentence read, "You have been on a long, uphill journey, and your energy is almost spent." And I said, out loud, to page 296, "You. are. not. kidding."

I don't know about you, but sometimes I just get tired of climbing.

It's vital to have a healthy balance of work and rest, and I've learned how to set boundaries in my schedule. Technically, I'm doing all the right things to keep from working myself to death, but guess what...

I'm still tired. 

Or maybe weary is the better word.

I'm learning that I can set all the boundaries I want, say "No" more than I say "Yes", and create the perfect rhythm for my life, but still not feel rested. At all. Why is that?

Because life is hard (profound revelations are free today).  All the stuff I can't control presses in on me and wears me down. I worry, I stress, I freak out. I just can't help myself. And when I ask God what to do about that, He keeps saying the same thing.

Come to Me.

Trust Me.

Rest in Me.


Oh, is that all, God? HOW can I do that? It's so much easier said than done.

But I've found a few things to help me get there:

1. Release and Receive - Find a few minutes of quiet and literally assume a position of releasing anxiety and receiving blessing. In his book Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster calls this exercise "palms down, palms up." Hold your palms down and tell God exactly what you're releasing ("Lord, I give you all my anxiety about our finances. I give you my frustrations about my job.") After you've released everything that's weighing on you, turn your palms up and ask God to fill you with His peace or wisdom or whatever it is that you need from Him. It's such a simple act, but it really helps me let go of all the worries and fears that have my shoulders in knots.

2. Remember - Remind yourself of all the things God has done for you. If you don't know where to start, the beginning is always a good place. If you're breathing, it's because God gave you life and breath in the first place. Think back over your life and list the ten biggest things God has done for you. Write them down. Talk about them at dinner. If He's already done all that for you, just imagine what He'll do next!

3. Remain in the Truth - Find a verse that speaks to you and keep it in front of you at all times. Memorize it and say it out loud whenever the stress of life threatens to suffocate you. The Psalms have been my anchoring place lately.

"A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all."  Psalm 34:19

"I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears."  Psalm 34:4

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him."   Psalm 62:5

I definitely don't have it all figured out, but the more I practice these things, the easier it is to truly find rest in God.

How about you? Is this a season of energy or exhaustion for you? How do you find true rest when you need it?

My Great Big Accomplishment and a Fun, Fall Giveaway

**UPDATE 10/16/12: The winner of the super cute Book Pumpkin is Cindy Wilson!**


Well, I've made a huge accomplishment. Never mind all the things on my to-do list that are screaming for attention. My crafty little self did something amazing.

I actually made something off of Pinterest!

I knew all that pinning would pay off someday, so I'm having a giveaway to celebrate.

Now, before I show you the goods, I need to issue a warning.


There are two kinds of book lovers in the world:

1. The kind who treasure books so much that they'd never, ever, ever desecrate one for any reason. Especially not for something as superficial and petty as a craft project. It wouldn't matter if it's the worst book in the history of the world, this kind of book lover would rather rip your arms off than dog-ear a page or bend the spine of a book (I'm looking at my sister, Debbie). If you're one of these people, click away quickly! If you scroll down, you may very well need to be hospitalized.


2. The kind who love books so much that they want to fill their whole world with stacks of books, and pictures of books, and any kind of art that showcases the beauty of books. For these people, a piece of art could be the worst in the history of the world, but if you add a book to it, it suddenly becomes magnificent. Because books make everything infinitely more wonderful. If you're this kind of book lover, you're going to like my little project.

Ta Da! It's a Book Pumpkin!

A pumpkin. Made out of a book! Could there possibly be a better decoration for fall? I say no. You can be sure I'll be making more of these.

Take a few deep, cleansing breaths if you need to, or leave a comment below for a chance to win the super cute Book Pumpkin. 

So, I need to know...

Are you on Pinterest? Have you actually made any of the stuff you've pinned? Which kind of book lover are you? 

I'm Tired and I Blame Becky Wade

I came home from ACFW with a big stack of books to read and added it to the already huge pile in my bedroom (sidenote: this drives my non-book-loving husband crazy). My Stubborn Heart by Becky Wade was on the top of the stack, so I grabbed it and jumped in.


I've started several books in the last few months that just didn't hold my attention. I don't know if I've become more critical the more I've learned about the craft of writing, or if I just haven't picked good books. But I've trudged through the first 2-3 chapters of several stories hoping to be hooked, but instead I got bored and gave up. I hate that because I know how hard it is to write a book. I really appreciate all the effort that any author puts into a story, and I want to love every single one. But I don't.

I was almost nervous to start another book for fear it wouldn't hold my attention, either. But My Stubborn Heart did not disappoint. Becky Wade created the best kind of characters--the kind that make me wonder what they're doing when I'm not reading (Is that weird?), the kind that make me stay up late turning pages.


Just one more chapter.

No, for real this time. One more chapter.


I just had to get to the happily-ever-after between this tortured hero and spunky heroine. The loss of sleep was worth it.


Don't you love it when you find a book that captivates you? What's the last book that kept you up late?

A Newbie Goes To Conference

Last week, I attended the American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) Conference for the first time. It was flat out amazing. I could talk about it for hours, but I'll spare you and just give you the highlights.

I arrived on Wednesday and jumped straight into the My Book Therapy Pitch and Promotion workshop, which really helped to ease my nerves and prepared me for my agent & editor appointments. My coach for the day was Lisa Jordan, who is quite possibly the world's greatest encourager. She's also a Carol Award winner. That's just how she rolls.

The very best table at the MBT Scrimmage.
Jeanne Takenaka, Mindy Obenhaus, Lisa Jordan, and me. We're missing
Lindsay Harrel, who was probably roaming about the room spreading Lindsay cheer.

Thursday morning, I went to the Early Bird session taught by Nancy Kress and took page after page of notes on writing scenes. That session was packed with helpful lessons. 

Later on Thursday, I volunteered to help set up the dining room for that evening's dinner. I really didn't know what we would be setting up before I went, so imagine my happy surprise when I found out that we were placing a free book on every chair! This is my kind of place! By the end of the weekend, I had a stack of books to bring home from all the lunch and dinner gifts.

About to head into the first main session with some of my OKC writer friends.
Me, Janet Lee Barton, Terri Weldon, Julie Jarnagin, and Lacy Williams.

Thursday afternoon, the conference officially started with worship led by Rachel Hauck and a keynote from Michael Hyatt. Both of those things were awesome. I tried to take a picture, but this was all I got.

You'll just have to trust me. That's Michael Hyatt.

Friday morning, I had my first appointment with an editor, and I didn't throw up or pass out. Win! I actually enjoyed meeting her and had a nice conversation. Friday afternoon, I met with an agent and was really encouraged by what she had to say. In between all that were loads of amazing classes on writing.

Friday night was the My Book Therapy Pizza Party. They put on a writer's version of the musical Oklahoma and it was hilarious. 

Lindsay "Curly" Harrel, Jeanne, and I having a yeehaw good time.

Saturday was the day of unexpected God moments. It started at breakfast when I met Connie Mann and continued later when I met Allison Pittman. Everyone I met at the conference was so wonderful, but these two ladies went out of their way to connect me with industry professionals. They didn't have to do that. Nobody even asked them to, but they did it anyway. I walked away from my conversations with them so encouraged, and was inspired to be as thoughtful of other people as they were to me. And for some reason, I didn't take a picture with either of them. Next year!

Saturday night was the big Awards Gala, which was SO fun! I was so happy for all the winners, and got teary during nearly every acceptance speech. It's just so exciting to watch people living their dreams.

Me and Julie (aka the best roommate ever!) on our way to the Gala.

Cheering for our friend the Genesis finalist, Erin Taylor Young.

Erin! Your face is on the big screen! How cool is that?!

Sunday, the conference ended with worship and lots of hugging and saying goodbye.

Worshipping with 700 other writers was awesome.

My prayer going into the conference was that I'd get just a bit of encouragement to keep going on my writing journey. God was faithful and gave me the encouragement I needed by the bucketful. And as an added bonus, He connected me with tons of people who will be my lifelong friends. As an introvert, I was nervous that I'd be overwhelmed with all the people, but I truly enjoyed being with everyone, especially my OKC writer friends. 

I'm already counting down the days until next year!

OCFW Blog

My lovely friends at OKC Christian Fiction Writers let me post a book review on the group blog today. I know it's a small thing, but it feels like kind of a big deal to me. I really love the people of OCFW and this makes me feel like I'm really a part of them (as opposed to a stalkerish writer wannabe). :-)

You can check it out here.

Ted, Tosca, and the Vein of Gold

Last week, our local writers group hosted a dinner with authors Ted Dekker and Tosca Lee. There was so much about the evening that impacted and encouraged me that I'm still processing it all a week later.

Ted and Tosca both said things that I've heard before in one form or another, but for some reason, when they said it, it stuck. I'm sure it has something to do with the season I'm in and what God is trying to say to me at this particular moment in my life. It felt like He sent them to speak truth into the deep places of my heart.

The thing that struck me as profoundly beautiful about these two amazing, successful authors is that they know who they are. I hear the phrase "comfortable in their own skin" thrown around a lot, but that really does perfectly describe Ted and Tosca. They have their own style (which involves tattoos and wearing black) that was different from the rest of us at the table, but they didn't make us feel like we weren't cool enough or hip enough to be with them. And they easily could've, because they're very cool people.

See how cool they are? I may have worn my black shirt in honor of them.

Instead of being too cool, they intentionally engaged with every single one of us. They wanted to hear our stories, and they loved and encouraged us to the point that we walked away wanting to be more like them in all the ways that matter. (And I may or may not have had daydreams about getting a tattoo) :-) The weird thing about it, though, is that by being true to who they are, they encouraged me to fully embrace who I am. I can't really explain it, but I've felt utterly trapped by the need to meet certain expectations and follow the rules and, if I'm honest, gain approval from people. It's time for me to break free from all that.

Along those lines, the thing Ted said that impacted me the most was this (paraphrased)...

Just put your heart on the page. Find that vein of gold--that place where all the stuff in your heart just flows and tears are streaming down your face because you've found a way to put truth into words. Tell the story of your heart and don't worry about getting published or following the rules.

And Tosca said something along the lines of...

When I write, I have to pretend like no one is ever going to read it. If I worried about what people will think, I'd never get anything written. (I think she actually used the term "literary constipation," which is hilarious).


The whole experience swirled together to create some serious self-evaluation for me. I walked away asking questions like:

Why am I struggling so much with my current story?
What are the deep and true reasons I'm writing?
Why do I want to be published? For real.
How can I figure out how to put my heart on the page?

After lots of prayer and processing, I feel like God gave me a very simple answer. I can't put my heart on the page because I'm not writing the story of my heart. My heart's story for this season is a freedom story, but I abandoned it at the beginning of the year. I had gotten lots of feedback that the concept was too controversial, that it probably wouldn't ever sell. So, I put it away and started on a new, less controversial project. I still like that new story, but I've had to fight through every step along the way. It felt like I was trying to write my way through a brick wall and couldn't for the life of me figure out why it was so difficult. Now, I think it's just not the time for that story. God put a freedom story in my heart, and it's time for me to go back and tell that story with everything I've got, without worrying about if it'll ever sell.

So that's what I'm going to do.

Thanks, Ted and Tosca for being true to who God made you and for speaking life into this writer's heart.

Searching For Joy

This year, our church community is celebrating the whole season of Easter. Instead of living in the joy of the resurrection for just one day, we're collectively, purposefully pursuing joy and life and laughter for 40 days (yes, I know that believers are supposed to celebrate Jesus every day, but we're all broken and life is hard, so it doesn't really happen that way).


40 days of joy. 


I absolutely love this idea. I've committed to find at least one thing per day that brings or spreads joy and post it here along with others in the Skyline community. But the thing I'm finding is that its not as easy as it sounds. It turns out that embracing joy every. single. day. is a discipline that has to be practiced with determination and perserverance.  


I don't often make a conscious decision to enjoy my life. If you asked me a week ago, I would've quickly said that my life is full of joy. But now I'm seven days into a process of identifying specific areas of joy and, to be honest, it's a daily struggle. I really have to think about it some days.

Sometimes joy is hard to find.


Most days, it eludes me. It hides away behind the muck of the daily grind and then disappears like a shadow at dusk. When circumstances are particularly difficult and my future seems fuzzy and unstable, I dig around in my heart and all I find is worry. Sometimes, my selective eyes only see the people around me who have it all together, who know what they're doing on this planet and have a steady job that pays more than enough, and all I find is envy. 


But this little exercise has been so good for my heart. I'm learning that joy has to be searched for when life seems blurry, and I may have to squint to see it. I have to dig for it in the mundane, the difficult, the gray places. When I truly search for it, I always find it, and somehow it transcends and transforms the shades of gray into the brilliant, beautiful colors of life. The life we were meant to fully experience and relish. 


Instead of waiting for joy to come to me, I have to go after it. Hunt for it. Fight for it. 


No matter what. 


Joy is what makes our lives beautiful.  

How are you finding joy?

More Baby Steps

So, I'm really good at consistent blogging (sarcasm).

Since my last post, I've had some really encouraging things happen in my writing journey...

• I got some great feedback from several contest judges, and even finaled in a contest.
• I joined ACFW.
• I attended my first mini-conference and learned a TON, and I met some awesome writers.
• I've continued learning online as part of the My Book Therapy community.
• I joined my local writing chapter (OCFW) and have absolutely loved it. I just feel like I've found the perfect place to belong, and I've been given a mentor (she's amazing!) to help me along in my journey.
• I started a new story and I've set a goal of writing 20,000 words by the end of this month.
• I entered the first scene of my new story in the Frasier Contest.

As you can see, I'm continuing to take baby steps. It's so tempting to try to rush ahead and get farther, faster. But I have bathed this journey in prayer from the beginning, and I know that God is leading me at the perfect pace. I trust Him to open the right doors at the right time, so I'm going to close my eyes, hang on to His hand, and enjoy the ride. At least, I'm going to try. :-)

A Life Marked By Prayer

Yesterday, my middle child turned 13. I just can't even believe it. It feels like an instant ago that the doctor was yelling, "It's a nine pounder!" and handing me a brand new, squishy baby girl.

With corkscrew curls and cheeks you could squeeze and kiss for days.

And now she's a teenager. It's unfathomable how fast the time has gone.

Jacey Reid is beautiful in every way. She's gorgeous on the outside and her heart is so sweet and pure, I get teary-eyed just thinking about it. I'm so, so proud of her. As I've reflected on the first 13 years of Jacey's life, there is one thing that stands out to me, even more beautiful than the rest.

Her life is marked by prayer.

Before I ever got pregnant with her, I prayed that God would give me a daughter. We had already been blessed with a son and my heart longed to know the joys of having one of each, so I asked God for a girl the next time around. He said YES! And there was much rejoicing in the ultrasound room.

When they calculated my due date, they told me it was February 24th, but I knew she was due on February 8th (sometimes mommies just know these things). Plus, I am a terrible pregnant person. It's nine months of misery for me and everyone else who dares to breathe my air, so the sooner we can end the madness, the better off we all are. I (and my poor husband) prayed that she would be born on or before the 8th. She arrived at 2:09pm on the 8th.

When I was in labor, she was turned the wrong way and it was going to make the delivery long and complicated. So my friend, Kelly, put her hand on my stomach and asked God to flip that baby over. Within minutes, she was good to go.

Since she was born, I have prayed that she and her brother would have an unspeakable bond of love for each other. Most days, this is still a toss up. But yesterday, he posted this to Twitter...

"Happy Birthday to my little sister Jacey. They grow up so fast. :(" 

So, that's something, right? I'm believing God will answer this, too. It just may take a little more time. :-)

When Jacey was three, she told God she wanted a little sister. I said "Sorry, sweetie. We're not having any more babies." Her baby sister was born just before Thanksgiving the following year (I partially blame my mother's prayers for this one, too).

When Jacey was five, she began to pray that God would make a way for our family to go to Disney World. Every night for over a year, her sweet little voice would float before the throne of God, laying the desires of her heart before Him. She never gave up, never even questioned if or when He would answer, even though Ron and I knew we would never in a million years have enough money to make a trip like that. But one night, my sister and brother-in-law came over and gave us a present. SURPRISE! We're sending you to Disney World! It was so ridiculously generous and extravagant. We spent a whole week there and Jacey got to meet every princess in the land. It will forever go down in our family history as the best gift we've ever received and our favorite vacation.

A couple of years ago, the kids were finagling for a dog. They weren't getting anywhere with me and Ron because we didn't want to have one more thing to feed every day, so Jacey went over our heads and asked God to give us a dog...today. Within an hour, there was a cute little yorkie on our front porch and of course, it had no collar or microchip and we couldn't find the owner (believe me, I looked) so she became our beloved Jovi. After we had her for a year, we found out she used to belong to one of our neighbors, but they wanted us to keep her. They said they had been praying about what to do with her because they didn't have enough time to spend with her and felt like it was a God thing that our family found her and loved her so much. Poor guy didn't realize that he never had a chance of keeping his dog even if he wanted to. Jacey the pray-er was on the loose!

You only have to spend a little bit of time with Jacey to know that she has a special gifting when it comes to prayer. Our friends and family know that if they really need God to move on their behalf, Jacey's their girl. She's an intercessor. She's prayed people into jobs, orphans into families, the needy into provision. The list goes on and on.

It's such an honor to parent this precious girl. I can't wait to see what crazy thing God does next in her and through her, for His glory.

"... for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14

This Will Wreck You

At church yesterday, we saw two videos and I wanted to share them with you. To be honest, if I come across a video on a blog, it has to be super intriguing in order for me to click play, but I promise these are worth it.

The first is about Advent Conspiracy. It's how our family is approaching Christmas this year. We're praying and talking about how we can engage more fully in the true meaning of Christmas.

Somewhere along the way, we've strayed so far from celebrating the birth of a baby.

The coming of a King.

A Rescuer.

A Deliverer.

A Healer.

The One who takes everything that's wrong and makes it right.


Somehow, we have to make our way back. This is our beginning.



[AC] Promo 2011 from Advent Conspiracy on Vimeo.

The second video was introduced like this: "This will wreck you."

It's true. This is not okay. This is where our excess money will go.



Love146 Overview from LOVE146 on Vimeo.



This Christmas, I want to celebrate the One who came to bring good news to the poor, to set the captives free. I think helping to rescue people from unimaginable oppression is a good start.

Who Are You Trying To Impress?

The last week at our house has been focused on celebrating our baby girl's 8th birthday. After the party, special snacks at school, and her restaurant-of-choice for dinner (including dessert!), I think I have been absolved for the birthday injustice I heaped upon her last year.

Last year on Corban's birthday, we were out of town at her sister's cheer competition. We tried to make it special, but it's kinda hard to make sitting in an arena for 8 hours seem like something fantastic. After that, I kept promising we would have a party for her. And we did...

in April. (if you're keeping count, that's five whole months after her birthday)

Last year, I was stressed.

Last year, we were too busy.

Last year, the thought of having to do one more thing, much less plan and execute one more thing, made me want to eat cookies and sleep for days on end.

But this year, as I thought about celebrating Corban's birthday, I felt God whisper a significant question to me.

Who are you trying to impress?

Who are you trying to impress with the fancy themed birthday party? With the over-the-top goodie bags? With the super crafty decorations? Who are you trying to impress by implementing all the amazing party ideas you find on Pinterest? (and they are really amazing) With the adorable bakery-bought cake?

I avoided the question for a while, but after some deep digging, I finally came to terms with the fact that all this time I've been trying to impress myself. I've wanted my kids' birthday parties to reflect how wonderful and crafty and creative I am as a mom. I've wanted all the guests to be jealous. I've wanted all the moms to "ooh" and "aah" over the cuteness of the party they have just beheld. I've wanted my kids to think I'm the greatest mom in the whole world. Because of a birthday party? Really?!

It sounds ridiculous when you put it like that. So now, I'm doing things differently.

As I planned this year's party, I kept that question in mind. Once I got over myself, I realized the only one I should be trying to impress is Corban. It's her birthday and what she thinks about it is all that matters. I want her to feel loved and celebrated. I want her to enjoy the day.

So she got to make every decision about her party. She picked the place, the invitations, designed and helped decorate the cake, and even placed the candles wherever she wanted them. It turned out to be zero-stress for me, and she loved every minute of it.

My sweet birthday girl.

As it turns out, she's much easier to impress than I am. And I'm so glad.


What about you? Do you stress over making parties perfect?


P.S. I have a sneaking suspicion that I've been treating Christmas at our house the same way I've treated birthday parties, so this question will be staying with me through the holiday season.